I misguidedly thought that art had no space in my life and that creativity would actually impede my progression to whatever goal I had. Needless to say, I really missed being able to explore and express myself and things got pretty gloomy for me.
Recently I started painting and drawing again and the reward I found in it was amazing. So much so, that I have decided to look back on what I used to do in order to tap into some of that creative energy that has been lost.
I did these drawings when I was 14, just before the start of my GCSEs. I hated every single moment of it. At the time I was going through a shoe obsession and I hated and despised the fact that the shoes we were studying were old. In fact, they were from the 'lost shoe' box at school, so they really were gross. They also seemed somewhat lonely! Who loses a shoe and then never claims it? In hindsight, I'm really glad we had to draw battered footwear. I appreciate the freedom it offered.
The final images are in chalk and charcoal. It's a copy of a Van Gogh painting but it was the first time I'd really enjoyed playing with highlights and shadows so freely.
These highlight the moment I realised that I could really do capture something on paper, whether it was good or bad or a weird interpretation. Prior to that, I'd been so focused on the more right and wrong subjects, where interpretation was limited, and I'd never really tried to draw.
I have so many emotions linked to this stage of my life and looking back at the art work helps me remember so much of being a teenager, I remember where I sat to draw them, or what I was watching on television, what was going on with friendships... It feels strange sharing these images, they feel so personal and private, but I wanted to share a little of what I brought back from England.
