I wish I'd taken the time to just deal with homesickness but I didn't. Instead I just let it happen. I let life get complicated and, as a result, I alienated people.
I miss a lot of things from home, even if they aren't necessarily British. Moving overseas means leaving family, friends and familiarity behind you. Here's some of the actions I took to help with my homesickness.
1. Be open and find a compromise
So I moved to Canada, I moved in with The Canadian and all was fine and dandy for a while. Then culture shock hit. I was so homesick. I thought I'd made a mistake moving. Of course, I didn't miss home-home, I missed the culture, the familiarity of the culture and the easiness of the social norms. I am, naturally, socially awkward. Moving to Canada was hard.Canada is very religious, the food is very different, the social norms were bizarre to me. The fact that at a party you had to take your shoes off really baffled me. I was used to having to take my shoes off only for casual-long visits. I missed having friends I could see often and I missed 'just knowing' what to do.
I learned, eventually, to just go with it and embrace the embarrassment. I didn't compromise on some things though. That Christmas feeling is really important to me so I made sure that my first Christmas away from home meant something. We based Christmas on the British model and, as years have passed, we've adapted it to work for us.
Decide what you're ok with challenging yourself with and be open to it. Remember why you moved 'to experience a new culture', 'do something new' etc. Make the most of those reasons but don't compromise on things that will help you feel a little less like a fish out of water.
2. Connect with Everyone
Avoiding homesickness means connecting with new people. Be open to new friendships, new people and new experiences.I didn't censor myself or cut myself off because I'm in foreign lands but I did myself a limit. I spent far too long during my homesick periods talking to people from England and it only made the homesickness worse.
I read somewhere that you should call home once a week only but sticking to that kind of schedule just didn't work for me. Instead, I changed the way I connected with British folk. I used What's App, so that I received their messages along with the North Americans' messages. I used Facebook to connect and I started prioritising in person friend dates over Skype ones. I still needed to stay in touch with friends and family from home but I tried to make it a better balance between them and the people I was meeting here. Do what makes you feel comfortable but not stuck. It took a while to find a rhythm.
Admittedly, not everyone you meet is going to be your new best friend - a mistake I made, but that doesn't mean brilliant friendships won't develop. Save the best friend gossip and "I dislike XYZ about this and that" for your best friends.
3. Talk to expats, online or in person, about the bad part of the culture shock cycle
Try really hard not to complain about the culture you're in to people of that particular culture. It's really hard being in a new place. It's hard to get your head around the new culture, the place, the language, those weird social quirks everyone seems to have but do not, no matter how tempting, rant about this to a native of the country. It won't end well (unless they are already incredibly disillusioned with their own country).Being an expat is a weird situation to be in. You love where you are (or you will, most likely) but part of the culture shock cycle includes feeling disillusioned and almost hating the culture you now live in. It's normal. It's part of adjusting. You just miss home and want everything to go back to normal.
There are many things that I dislike about Canada. Many, many things. There are also many, many things I dislike about England and I'm very British. It doesn't mean I hate the nation or the entire country. It's just that that single cultural item doesn't fit for me. I moved from England because I wasn't overly attached, but then I experienced the culture shock of living in Canada. In comparison, the UK seemed like the best place since sliced bread so you can imagine my surprise when I visited my family to discover that, actually, I was missing Canada.
When I heard family members comment on something Canadian, I felt my heckles raise. I may dislike a lot of things about living here, but it is also my home. Don't complain to people who don't understand where you're coming from because they will be offended or not fully understand why you're saying what you're saying. Complain to people who've been through the process and know that the complaining is just part of the adjustment.
Seriously though, why doooo Canadians take their shoes off all the time. What's the point in making your shoes match your outfit if you're just going to be taking them off immediately?! - rant done.
4. Take off the rose tinted glasses
You will get culture shock when you go home, so go home asap and get it done withOnce you start idolising your home country, go back. Sometimes you need to see that the grass is not greener and that maybe watering the grass you currently live on is the way forward.
Money may prevent you returning but it's important that you do, eventually. Especially if you're unable to take off your rose tinted glasses.
5. Food, Language, TV
I'm really lucky to be British. Mainly because they make excellent chocolate and export wonderful TV shows. If ever I am feeling down in the dumps or missing home, I pop on some Doctor Who, Outnumbered, Mock the Week, whatever... and listen the accents and the humour. It's nice remembering that my humour is not limited to just me, there are bloomin' loads of people out there that get it. So many in fact, that there are entire TV shows written around said humour. It's wonderful to hear British accents to fill that little piece of homesickness. Don't even get me started on how I feel when I see someone on TV, in a book, or even in the street refer to Yorkshire... it's ok to indulge. I've even considered watching Emmerdale but I won't take it that far just yet.Pay extra for that chocolate bar, pot noodle, bottle of ribena at the export shop because you won't regret it. I found that I developed a love for things that I actually dislike just because they reminded me of certain times in my life. Pot Noodle is not my favourite food but my sister and I went through a little pot noodle phase circa 2004-6. Since then, it's had that nostalgic connection.
If you're going to miss home do it properly and indulge where means allow. There are entire forums out there on how to get a VPN and how to watch Eurovision, go and use them.
I enjoy living in Canada. I enjoy the life I've created, the love I have in my home, and the vast majority of the people I've met over here. I am constantly learning about new things and new people. I've worked with wonderful companies and developed skills I don't think I'd have even considered had I stayed in the UK.
It's been a wonderful experience, even the culture shock had it's moments of entertainment. So long as you allow yourself to learn and develop, culture shock can be rewarding in its odd way.
Have you ever experienced culture shock? What are your tips for coping?
