Remembrance Day

Remembrance Day, for many reasons, is an unusual day that used to sit uncomfortably with me. I think it is best summed up by this veteran.

As I am a military spouse, I had to spend a lot of time considering where I stood on this spectrum of acknowledging the day, when so much about the day was difficult to me. The Canadian must attend ceremonies but that demand is not extended to me. So what do I do?

I go to the ceremonies anyway.

Regardless of whether you believe the cenotaph day to be political or whether you are against war, you can make an acknowledgement that works for you.

Why do I go, when I never used to acknowledge them?

• The first reason I attend these ceremonies is to grieve.
• The first time I grieved at remembrance day was in 2011. I grieved due of the fear I felt because The Canadian was in Afghanistan. I grieved because war causes so much devastation and emotional turmoil. I grieved for the pain that all those families feel when their uneasiness and uncertainty is met by a knock at the door, or worse, silence and then nothing. I grieve for the lack of humanity that causes war. I grieve for the fear and anxiety that I can only imagine millions of young, middle-aged, old men and women felt when they faced what could be their own sacrifice. I grieve that we do not live in a utopian world. I grieve for the dystopia and devastation we live in. I grieve for the loss of human life, regardless of political side, or stance.
• The second reason I attend is to acknowledge loss and devastation.
• Having been fortunate enough to never find myself in a traumatic situation, I have the utmost respect for those that continue to push through and keep going after experiencing something appalling. I cannot even imagine what those experiences were like but I know how difficult the readjustment of returning home can be. I go to theses services so that I can take the time to think about that. I take the time to acknowledge that struggle. I think of these images. This one. This one. This book. And I reflect on the loss all sides feel during war, the stories that no one hears and the pain and loss that the wider world will not see.
• I attend for hope.
• The last few times I have struggled to find a way to word what I feel so desperately about. I truly and deeply believe that war should always be the last resort. And I use those minutes to passionately focus onto that grain of hope that humanity will grow. I focus on the other people who attended these services, who wrote, who stayed at home and acknowledged this day from a far; those who are not even aware of Nov 11, those that do not celebrate it. Those that fight hard every day to prevent war, who operate to keep the peace, who lobby to improve the state of the world. For all those who have learnt from the mistakes and sacrifices of the past, who have taken those lessons to heart and fight hard to promote peace before bloodshed. I hope, desperately, that those who died did not do it in vain. I have a small sliver of hope that these lessons are heard, acknowledged and acted upon. Here. This one of the soldier and the little girl.

There are other reasons to attend a ceremony but, even if you do not, then that's fine. A beautiful, perfectly amazing part of not living under a dictatorship of fear is that I am able to choose whether or not I attend and stand with The Canadian. That is beautiful. Having chosen in the past not to attend or acknowledge Remembrance Day, I can honestly say that attending now means more to me because it is a choice that I made, not because I am fearful of the consequences of not attending.

Are you in a country the acknowledges November 11th? Do you acknowledge it? Why/why not? Do you say thank-you to veterans? To those involved with war? To those who fought to keep the stories alive?

Today...

Today... is 11th September.

I wrote a long essay about the lessons I've learnt from 12 years of 9/11 remembrance and the impact it had on my life. But, I didn't publish it because today is not about me.

It's not about politics or the impact that it had on different countries, groups of people or the economy. It's not about the historical importance, the terrorist intent, reasoning or any of those other jigsaw pieces that made up the entire event.

It's about the people who lost their lives on, or as a result of, that day. It's about the families that came home to a lone message on their answering machine, the last one that they'd ever receive from their loved one, or, worse, the ones who came home to nothing and heard nothing, it's about the families all over the world that have seen losses because of the wars that occurred because of this day, it's about the pain and anguish caused and the power of individuals to pull themselves back up and keep going.

Love and compassion mean so much more than hatred and destruction. So, today, I am going to quietly remember and focus on the great acts of love and kindness that were byproducts of that event (the individuals who have demonstrated their love through great acts of kindness) rather than the hate that brought the event about. And, I am going to ensure that I take great care to really appreciate my loved ones today.